I guess this is the best time to stop this illusion, stop dreaming and stop hoping. I have been waiting for a very long time for what they call ‘the right time’ but I don’t think it would still come. The more I hope the more pain it costs me. My heart continues to be torn into pieces. Sorry for not telling the truth. I don’t mean to hide anything from you but I just don’t have the strength to say a word. Call me coward for I am. I never had the courage to say the things that needs to be said and done. I can’t gamble a thing specially if I know that in the very first place, I will never win. Not because I’m being pessimistic or anything, it’s just I know. Call it instinct if you want it that way. All I know is I’m a looser when it comes to this kind of thing.
You are my best and my worst. You have inspired me and taught me how to look at the future and the good things that it can bring. However at the same time you have cause the greatest pain that I could ever gain. I don’t blame you for anything. It’s all my fault. In fact, I want to thank you. Thank you, because of you, I know that I am a real human. a human who knows how to “love”. Because of you I felt that I am capable of loving and to love.
Sorry that I have to hide all these things from you. This is for the better. It’s too complicated. I can’t even explain. I don’t how it started. I don’t know how it happened. It just happened. I can’t sacrifice the good things that we have for just this selfish illusion. Once it messed up it will ruin everything in me. I didn’t tell you this not because you can’t understand. You are wise and I know that you will, more than anyone else. But I can’t stake anything at all.
I am not saying good bye at all. I just want you to know that everything will completely change from now on.